Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Moving: Why. What. Not Where.

Last time One of the last times I wrote, we were cozy in the living room, waiting in peaceful anticipation for my parent’s arrival.  This time, in more chaotic circumstances, we are waiting for Derek.  Oh, what a month this has been!  I am surrounded by boxes, and mounds of clothing, and all those annoying random bits and pieces that can’t be categorized when packing.  We are preparing our house for the market, as one event after another has led us to the realization that life could be better if we moved.  Mostly my health, which really does affect every other area of our life as a family.  I won't be sorry to leave, either...me and Philly never did become friends, though there are people in it that I've come to love dearly.  

This being the third year in our new home and the fourth year of my pelvic girdle pain, we’ve noticed a pattern in what was formerly understood as merely the “random” relief of pain during certain weeks and months, when I really had no idea why I felt better.  In addition to the pain factor, I’ve had major swelling in my hands, feet, face and body in general, with no clear reason why; it is so bad that I can only stand on my feet for about 20 minutes at a time before I can’t handle the pain and need to sit.  But this mystery was at least partially solved when my mom noticed during her last few visits that she also swells up (in the ankles and fingers)  when she is here…and that’s just during a few short days.  The swelling goes down immediately when she leaves the area.  We are assuming (and hoping) that my problem with fluid retention and much of my unrelenting pain will resolve when we move, as we believe much of it is a reaction to something in our surrounding environment.

We live down the street from a water treatment plant, very close to two major highways, two miles from an airport, around the corner from several gas stations, and only a few miles away from a long stretch of refineries and power plants.  The government has declared all such environmental hazards to be safe; other research contradicts, as does my health.  It’s worth a shot, and it’s not such a long shot, either, I think.  Well worth it, anyway.  It’s been a long and frustrating few years.  I am as full of energy and ambition as I have always been, but my body can’t keep up with where my heart aches for me to be. 

I’ve stuffed a lot of the emotional stress and handled the situation with a sort of numb and resigned attitude, simply adjusting plans to make them work; but with a possible end in sight, if things go as I believe they will when we relocate…I haven’t done so well withholding the tears and frustration, and I feel the limitations more deeply and with greater frustration than ever before.  If our house sells quickly, we are looking at three more months of this before I can start hoping to see positive changes.  I am so physically weak now, it will be a long recovery, but at least I will recover.  I don’t know to what extent.  Most women who recover report that they can return to ‘normal’ life, with the exception that they can’t run or jump.  Hey, I was never great at either of those, anyway.  No biggie. 

Anyway, that’s mostly a bunch of boring mumbo jumbo, and I don’t want to be one of those people who can speak of nothing but their aches and pains, but really, that is the ultimate reason for our move, and the deepest hope and desire of my heart (as far as my own personal well-being is concerned); I can scarcely think of anything else, but that beautiful physical freedom that seems like it could be so close.  I better think of something else in spite of myself, though…or I could be making the next few months the longest few months of my life.  

So, the moving business is what has made this such a chaotic time.  To make it easy for me to keep up with the house for showings, we are packing nearly all of our belongings and storing them in the basement.  We are also having new carpet installed on Friday, so we are rushed to get this done, as well as painting the baseboards and finishing up with the mudding and sanding in the dining room to prevent dusty carpets later.  In addition to all of this, we don’t know where we will go from here.  So I am packing for three purposes: To keep our house clean and clutter-free for showings; for possibly living in an apartment for a year, and therefore needing to keep some things in do-not-open-because-we-won’t-have-room boxes for storage; and for the possibility of making a long-distance move.  We’re really not sure at this point.  We may try to move away from not only the dirty city air, but also from the humidity. 

And that folks, is why I have been most absent from this blog, and much of life outside of home in general.  After Friday, everything will be in perfect order (hopefully!), we will prepare for Christmas, and there will be nothing else to do but wait and fill my time with the usual things, and a few more besides.  And maybe do a little more blogging.  I always want to.  I will make a greater effort.   It’s just…sometimes my efforts are a little…invisible.